Every little girl dreams of growing up and getting married, dressed in a white dress. Every little boy knows that when he grow up he must to be able to care for children and wife. Such are the laws of nature and man - if you don't have family, you cannot survive, nor create a strong and healthy generation.
But thanks to the progress of society, technology, quality of life, it appears that one can now survive alone, alone to care for himself and even create and raise a healthy generation alone.
From a practical standpoint, in terms of daily activities and the provision of home and livelihood, a person no longer needs to live in couple.
Unfortunately, human emotional necessities are not changed almost at all the time in which all people have lived together in a cave. We all need to be loved and to love.
As you are young, when left alone after a failed relationship, you think: "She / He just was not the right person for me." After five - six unsuccessful relationships, and time passes, you're going to ask: "What 's wrong? Why nobody likes me? Why nobody wants to stay with me?" And this is the first big mistake, the fear starts here - I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I am not handsome, not a catch.
Always we need someone who can strengthen us, even knowing our price like professionals, to realize how good friends we are, if we are alone, there's always a slight doubt - what 's wrong with me?
If, however, you change your mind, you will understand that living with someone just because you're afraid to live alone is not worth it. It brings pain, disappointment and ultimately you would be alone again.
So, you just start to live alone. Pretty soon you will find all the advantages that cannot comply with anyone and do anything you want. You will love it.
However, when you meet someone, it will be very difficult to you to get rid of selfish habits, that are already created. Fear that you may start to like it so much that you forget that a couple is far better, although it's so nice to sit three hours in the shower in the bathroom without someone knocking on the door.
When you meet a friend from school on the street, he always appears to be married with at least one child, whose picture he carries in his wallet. He shows it to you. And of course, suggests that you will be happy to show him the picture you carry in your wallet. And you're forced to show him the picture of your dog. Over time, the eyes of people around you become more regretful. One of the biggest fears of man is not to be dismissed.
That's the way we are such conformists.
The fear of the disapproval of society should not be underestimated.
When you need support, you can get it from a friend. Over time friends meet someone, fall in love, make a family. However much you love each other your daily lives are now two completely different planets. Fear that you can stay completely alone is stronger than anything.
Sometimes fear that you will get sick and there will be nobody to help you. Sometimes afraid like that, inexplicably, irrational, without reason.
Sometimes you see people with families who give everything to be in your place. Exchange glances with them and realize that everyone wants what he doesn't have and is afraid to live with what he has.
Being single does not mean lonely. Does not mean that necessarily there is something wrong with you - not good enough, or handsome, or dignified. When you meet a friend from high school years and show him a picture of your dog, do not forget - perhaps at that very moment he wants to be in your place, but did as everyone else. Do not do things just because it should or because you are afraid.
Being single means many other things besides - I am not married. Use the time of your life to see, love and smile more. With regard to material things - humanity is developing rapidly.
With regard to the feelings and emotions - your great-great-great grandmother wanted her children to be happy, as you'll want for your children whether you will take care at them with a partner or not. So just find your way to be happy.
Just because you’re afraid of being alone isn’t a good reason to stay in a relationship. For you to stay in that situation is a betrayal and dishonor to yourself. When you stay stuck in that illusion of happiness, just to be with someone you lose your connection to your self-worth. At that point you’re being unsupported, unappreciated and/or unacknowledged in your relatioship. When you have to give yourself a reason to stay and think happiness, joy and love is just around the corner, you’re minimizing you! We also often get into relationships with the wrong people just because we are afraid and don’t want to be alone.
I know it’s hard to realize that the way we treat ourselves sets an example for others as to how to treat us, but it’s true. Many of us allow people to treat us the way they have because we have no idea we can be treated better. Being treated badly becomes acceptable because we think it’s better than being alone. I’ve been guilty of it myself and just wanted to hold on to her, just so I could say, “I have a woman!” During my weakened state of being due to unfortunate events in my life. She treated me bad because I allowed her to treat me bad and I was treating myself bad by not loving, honoring and respecting myself enough to know better. That was the ultimate act of me betraying me! The ultimate insult to self-love! By the time I acknowledged to myself what was happening and tried to change it, it was too late. I’d let it go on for so long it became common place to her and I couldn’t change it, she was too comfortable with it. After acknowledging it to myself and trying to make a change, I could no longer claim being a victim. If I stayed, I would be creating and facilitating the abuse, dishonor and disrespect I was receiving. So I left and never looked back! It was hard but every time I felt uneasy about it, I reminded myself how bad I was treated and I had taken enough, time to let go and grow.
There’s nothing wrong with staying in a relationship to work things out but when nothings working it’s time to go. There’s nothing wrong with being alone, it’s better than being treated bad. It allows you time to become more aware of you, heal, heighten your level of consciousness, self-love and get back in touch with your self-worth. Being alone treating your self better will be an example to the next person entering your life how to treat you.
You may think being alone is worse than being in a relationship that isn’t working. Take some time for you to have an open honest conversation with you. Tell yourself the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth! He or she who lies to themselves is a fool! Ask yourself, “Why am I afraid to be alone with me? Why do I continue to allow them to treat me bad? Is this the best I can do? Why do I stay in this relationship? Am I truly loving, honoring and respecting myself? Is this where I want to be? Are they ever going to change? Are they actively working towards change? Write the answers down and read them to yourself out loud! Hear yourself speaking the truth that is coming from within you. Then make a decision as to the direction you want to go and stick to it!
Spend some time with you and you’ll realize you can consult, console and respond appropriately to anything! There’s nothing wrong with being alone sometime. If you can’t stand to be alone with you, how can you expect anyone else to want too!
HERE'S MORE...
Many people would rather be in a bad relationship than to be single. They are highly fearful of being alone.
What drives this fear? Below are a few reasons why certain people are afraid of remaining single.
* Too much time with themselves
Solitude is not good for most people. While some time alone is okay, it's not natural or healthy to spend the majority of your time by yourself.
And single people face far more of a challenge when it comes to avoiding too much alone time. Without companionship, a person can easily drive themselves crazy by thinking too much and by not having someone to chat with on a regular basis.
* Nobody to care for or love
Life is about giving of ourselves, and it is often enriched when we have a loving and intimate relationship. People do not want to be single because they fear they will have nobody to love or to look after.
And while caring for one's self can be a big job, it is fulfilling to care for others. Loving someone else provides joy and challenges. And it takes our minds off of some of our own problems.
* Too much responsibility
When you are part of a partnership, you have someone who will share the load with you. You do not have to take care of everything yourself.
Many people are afraid that if they stay single, they will have to take care of everything on their own. That means paying the bills, running the errands, fixing the toilet and various other demands and responsibilities.
* Less emotional balance
Relationships help us have more emotional balance. And when single, emotional stability can be more of a challenge.
That is not to say that you cannot achieve emotional wellbeing when single. Nor is it to say that all people in couples are stable. But, for the most part, people who are well paired can play on each other's strengths and provide strong emotional support to one another.
* Loneliness
One of the biggest fears about remaining single is a fear of loneliness. And being lonely is far different than being alone.
A person who is lonely feels pain and a lack of connectedness. This person is often in a state of despair. Loneliness is a terrible condition.
While it can affect a married person - as many marriages are lonely - the perception is that being single is a lonely situation. And it can be, although it does not always have to be.
These are some of the main reasons that many people fear remaining single. Being single is not a piece of cake. However, do not make the mistake of jumping into a relationship that is not a good fit - just to avoid being single. If you do, you run far greater risks than staying on your own and remaining open to what may come along.
